Batman Tales #13

Okay, I understand. Here’s a summary of the events:

On April 18, 1980, at the Gotham City Criminal Courthouse, The Joker witnessed his father being sentenced to life in prison. The father’s crimes included exposing himself to children at Walkerville Elementary School, as well as racketeering, drug sales, and armed robbery. He was then taken to Gotham City Jail. On October 13, 1993, The Joker’s father died from lung cancer.

Okay, it’s now December 16, 1999. The Joker is in his lair, addressing his men about an upcoming robbery.

The Joker, pacing maniacally in front of his assembled goons, unveils his plan with theatrical flair. “Tonight, my delightful delinquents,” he cackles, “we’re going to relieve the Gotham National Bank of its… excess capital! Not with brute force, oh no, that’s far too pedestrian. We’re going to create a diversion! A beautiful, chaotic, utterly unforgettable distraction!”

He elaborates on his scheme, involving a series of synchronized pranks across the city to overwhelm the Gotham City Police Department. These include releasing hundreds of trained hyenas into the city’s diamond district, replacing the water supply with laughing gas, and projecting his own image onto the moon, all while a select crew infiltrates the bank under the cover of the ensuing pandemonium. He emphasizes the importance of improvisation and embracing the chaos, reminding his men that the true goal isn’t just the money, but the sheer, unadulterated fun of watching Gotham descend into madness. He promises a generous cut of the loot, but warns that failure to adhere to the spirit of the plan will be met with… unpleasantries.

The Joker, with a sinister grin plastered across his face, decides he needs children for his next caper. He drives to Walkerville Elementary School, a place that holds a twisted significance to him. Bursting through the doors, he locates Miss Frizzle’s classroom and, without hesitation, hurls a canister of tear gas inside. Chaos erupts as the children scream and cough, their innocent faces contorted in fear and confusion. The Joker watches with perverse amusement, reveling in the pandemonium he has unleashed.

The Joker, his twisted plan unfolding, directs his henchmen to seize eight of Miss Frizzle’s students. The terrified children are quickly subdued and herded out of the classroom. Miss Frizzle, struggling against her restraints, watches helplessly as her students are taken. The Joker, with a final, mocking bow, orders his men to tie her up in the janitor’s closet, leaving her gagged and bound amidst the cleaning supplies. He cackles, “Don’t worry, Frizzle! We’ll return your class, maybe!”

The Joker gathers the terrified children around him, a wide, unsettling grin on his face. “Now, my little agents of chaos,” he begins, his voice dripping with mock sweetness, “we have a very important mission! You see, the grown-ups in this city have become far too serious, far too boring. They need a little… rearranging of their priorities. And who better to do that than you, my innocent little lambs?”

He reveals his plan: to use the children as distractions during the bank robbery. He intends to dress them in miniature Joker costumes and deploy them throughout the bank, creating confusion and misdirection while his henchmen carry out the heist. He emphasizes the “fun” they’ll have, promising candy and toys as rewards for their cooperation, while subtly hinting at dire consequences for disobedience. The children, a mix of fear and reluctant curiosity in their eyes, listen to his twisted instructions, unaware of the full extent of the danger they’re in.

The Joker, with a flourish, directs his miniature Joker squad into the First National Bank of Gotham. The children, dressed in their unsettling costumes, spread throughout the bank, creating a wave of confusion and chaos. Some giggle and throw handfuls of Monopoly money into the air, while others release rubber chickens and set off noisemakers. The bank patrons, startled and bewildered, are unsure of how to react. Meanwhile, The Joker’s henchmen, taking advantage of the distraction, move in to seize the real money. The robbery is underway, and Gotham is once again plunged into madness.

The Joker, his mind a whirlwind of chaotic inspiration, decides his next target is the Toys R Us in Gotham City. He bursts into the store, cackling maniacally, and unleashes a bizarre concoction of chemicals and twisted science upon the shelves. In a flash of light and crackling energy, several iconic figures spring to life, now imbued with the Joker’s brand of madness.

Baby Dil Pickles, now a pint-sized terror with a penchant for explosives, toddles through the aisles, planting miniature bombs in unsuspecting shoppers’ carts. Barbie, her plastic smile now a chilling grin, wields a modified Dreamhouse playset as a weapon, trapping security guards in a pink, glitter-filled prison. And Stone Cold Steve Austin, his trademark scowl even more menacing, delivers stunners to anyone who gets in their way, all while cracking open cans of Joker-branded “Whoop Ass” soda.

The Joker watches with glee as his newly animated army of toys wreaks havoc on the store, turning a simple shopping trip into a scene of utter pandemonium. The cash registers are emptied, the shelves are ransacked, and the citizens of Gotham are once again subjected to the Joker’s unique brand of mayhem.

The Joker, never one to rest on his laurels, takes his chaotic ambitions to a whole new level. He unleashes another dose of his twisted formula, this time on an army of plush toys: Barney, Elmo, the Teletubbies, Blue’s Clues, and Arthur. Transformed into monstrous versions of their former selves, they become the Joker’s latest recruits.

Barney, now a hulking purple behemoth with razor-sharp teeth, smashes through walls. Elmo, his cheerful giggle replaced with a maniacal cackle, sets fires with his tickle-me hands. The Teletubbies, their innocent babbling now a chorus of demented laughter, swarm the streets, causing mass hysteria. Blue, with her paw prints now leaving trails of corrosive acid, marks a path of destruction. And Arthur, his usually calm demeanor replaced with a crazed rage, swings his glasses like deadly projectiles.

The Joker, leading his plush army, directs them towards Police Headquarters, their target for tonight’s rampage. The plushies tear through the building, wreaking havoc on everything in their path. Desks are overturned, computers are smashed, and officers are sent fleeing in terror. Gotham is once again at the mercy of the Joker’s twisted imagination.

As the plushie army rampages through Police Headquarters, Commissioner Gordon stares in disbelief at the surreal scene unfolding before him. Barney is ripping apart interrogation rooms, Elmo is setting fire to evidence lockers, and the Teletubbies are swarming the precinct, causing mass hysteria. He knows this is beyond anything the GCPD can handle alone. Without hesitation, Gordon grabs the Batphone and dials the emergency number, his voice filled with urgency. “This is Commissioner Gordon! We need Batman, now! I repeat, we need Batman, now! This isn’t a drill; the Joker’s unleashed… well, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

As the Bat-Signal blazes across the Gotham skyline, Batman and Robin race towards Police Headquarters in the Batmobile. They arrive to find a scene of utter pandemonium: a nightmarish landscape of plushie carnage. Without a word, Batman assesses the situation and activates the Bat-Laser, a high-powered energy weapon mounted on the Batmobile.

With precise aim, Batman targets the rampaging plushies. Beams of concentrated energy slice through the air, disintegrating the monstrous toys one by one. Barney roars as he’s reduced to a pile of purple fluff, Elmo’s flames are extinguished, and the Teletubbies collapse into heaps of brightly colored fabric. Robin, meanwhile, uses batarangs to target the smaller, more agile plushies, like Blue and Arthur.

The tide begins to turn as the Bat-Laser systematically neutralizes the Joker’s plushie army. The remaining officers, emboldened by Batman’s arrival, join the fray, using whatever they can find to subdue the remaining toys. The chaos slowly subsides as Gotham begins to regain control, thanks to the swift action of the Dynamic Duo.

The Joker, always seeking a new twist on his chaos, now targets an Allstate office. He unleashes his formula on a collection of 1/24 Winner Circle Die Casts and a Stuart Little RC car, bringing them to life with his signature brand of madness.

The Die Casts, now miniature, high-speed demolition machines, race through the office, smashing into desks, shredding documents, and causing general mayhem. Each car is driven by a tiny, grotesque Joker-esque figure, cackling as they wreak havoc. Stuart Little, piloting his RC car with reckless abandon, weaves through the chaos, snatching wallets and purses from unsuspecting customers and employees.

The Allstate office is quickly transformed into a scene of utter pandemonium. Insurance agents scream and scramble for safety as the miniature vehicles tear through their workspace, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. The Joker watches with glee, reveling in the absurdity of the situation. He’s not just robbing an office; he’s turning the mundane world of insurance into a twisted, chaotic spectacle.

As the miniature mayhem unfolds within the Allstate office, the Bat-Signal pierces the Gotham night. Batman, ever vigilant, arrives at the scene in the Batmobile. Surveying the chaos, he quickly deduces the source of the trouble: the Joker’s miniaturized menaces.

With swift precision, Batman activates the Bat-Laser, targeting the tiny, high-speed vehicles. Beams of concentrated energy incinerate the Die Casts one by one, their miniature Joker drivers vaporizing along with them. Stuart Little, his RC car no match for the Batmobile’s advanced technology, is quickly disabled with a well-aimed laser blast. The Allstate office is saved from further destruction, thanks to the timely intervention of the Dark Knight. The remaining insurance agents, though shaken, breathe a collective sigh of relief as the threat is neutralized. The Joker’s bizarre scheme is foiled once again.

The Joker’s influence continues to corrupt, as Miss Frizzle’s students, still under his sway, turn to petty crime. They descend upon a Giant Foods in Gotham, shoplifting with a disturbing mix of glee and confusion. They stuff their backpacks with candy, toys, and anything else that catches their eye, leaving a trail of chaos in their wake.

However, their spree is short-lived. Batman, having anticipated their next move, arrives on the scene. He swiftly and efficiently apprehends the children, using non-lethal methods to subdue them. He ties them up gently but securely, ensuring their safety and preventing them from causing further harm. Although saddened by their actions, he understands that they are victims of the Joker’s manipulation. He knows that the real work lies ahead: rescuing them from the Joker’s grasp and helping them to return to their normal lives.

The Joker, never one to be predictable, unleashes his chaotic formula on a collection of Toy Story dolls. Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Stinky Pete, Jessie, and Bullseye are brought to life, but twisted by the Joker’s influence into nightmarish versions of themselves.

Woody, his pull-string voice now a menacing cackle, wields his rope like a whip, ensnaring anyone who gets in his way. Buzz Lightyear, his space ranger idealism replaced with a nihilistic glee, fires his laser with reckless abandon. Stinky Pete, his prospector’s charm turned sinister, digs for “gold” in the pockets of terrified citizens. Jessie, her cowgirl spirit warped, lassos victims and drags them into the chaos. And Bullseye, his loyal gaze now manic, charges through the streets, trampling anything in his path.

The Joker, reveling in the twisted irony of turning childhood heroes into instruments of mayhem, directs his Toy Story army towards their next target: the Gotham City Museum of Art. He plans to replace the priceless masterpieces with his own brand of “art,” a collection of twisted sculptures made from discarded toys and stolen goods.

The Toy Story gang, under the Joker’s twisted command, storms the Gotham City Museum of Art. As they approach, guards from Vector Security open fire, but the bullets have no effect on the animated toys. Woody deflects bullets with his rope, Buzz’s plastic body is impervious, and Stinky Pete just laughs as the projectiles bounce off his felt exterior. The guards are quickly overwhelmed by the bizarre assault.

Just as the Toy Story crew is about to break through the museum doors, the Batmobile screeches to a halt. Batman, ever vigilant, emerges and activates the Bat-Laser. With calculated precision, he targets the animated toys, his laser beams slicing through the air. Woody’s rope is severed, Buzz’s laser is disabled, Stinky Pete’s limbs are disintegrated, Jessie’s lasso is melted, and Bullseye collapses into a pile of plush. The Toy Story threat is neutralized, preventing the Joker from defacing Gotham’s artistic treasures.

The Joker, his mind a twisted carnival of ideas, now sets his sights on a State Farm office. He unleashes his chaotic formula on a set of Star Wars Episode I action figures, bringing them to life with his signature brand of madness.

Qui-Gon Jinn, his Jedi calm replaced with a manic glee, waves his lightsaber erratically, slicing through desks and office equipment. Obi-Wan Kenobi, his Padawan seriousness warped into a reckless abandon, uses the Force to fling staplers and paperweights at terrified employees. Darth Maul, his menacing presence amplified, leaps and twirls through the office, wielding his double-bladed lightsaber with deadly precision. Jar Jar Binks, his clumsy antics now a weapon, trips and stumbles through the office, inadvertently causing chaos and destruction.

The Joker, reveling in the absurdity of the situation, directs his Star Wars army to set the iconic “Like A Good Neighbor, State Farm Is There” sign on fire, replacing it with a crudely painted message: “The Joker: Your Unpredictable Neighbor.” The State Farm office is quickly transformed into a scene of intergalactic mayhem, all thanks to the Joker’s twisted imagination.

As the State Farm office burns and the Star Wars figures run amok, the Bat-Signal pierces the night sky. Batman arrives in the Batmobile, his grim expression reflecting the chaos before him. Without hesitation, he activates the Bat-Laser, systematically dismantling the miniature menaces. Qui-Gon’s lightsaber is extinguished, Obi-Wan’s Force abilities are nullified, Darth Maul’s deadly dance is brought to an abrupt halt, and Jar Jar’s clumsiness is finally silenced.

With the immediate threat neutralized, Batman scans the area for the mastermind behind this latest act of lunacy. His gaze falls upon an ACME Corp. van parked nearby. He cautiously approaches, and upon opening the back doors, he finds the Joker, surrounded by chemicals, wires, and a collection of deflated action figures. The Joker, caught red-handed, can only offer a wide, manic grin. “Well, Batsy,” he cackles, “looks like the Force wasn’t with me this time!”

The tension crackles in the air as Batman and The Joker face off amidst the wreckage of the State Farm office. The Joker, despite being cornered, maintains his manic grin, taunting Batman with twisted jokes and riddles. Batman, his face a mask of grim determination, stands ready to end the Joker’s reign of terror once and for all.

The duel begins, a whirlwind of punches, kicks, and acrobatic maneuvers. The Joker, surprisingly agile for a man of his build, dodges and weaves, his laughter echoing through the night. Batman, with his superior training and technology, relentlessly pursues him, driving him back towards the waiting arms of justice.

Just as the Joker seems to gain the upper hand, Robin swoops in, wielding a gold bar he found amidst the debris. With a swift and decisive strike, he brings the gold bar down on the Joker’s head, knocking him unconscious. The Joker crumples to the ground, his reign of chaos finally brought to an end.

The Gotham Police arrive, sirens wailing, to apprehend the Joker and his henchmen. Miss Frizzle’s class, still shaken by their experience, are taken into protective custody. All are escorted to the appropriate facilities: the criminals to Blackgate Penitentiary or Arkham Asylum, and the children to a safe and supportive environment where they can begin to heal.

After being taken into protective custody, Miss Frizzle’s students are placed in the care of child psychologists and social workers. They undergo extensive therapy to help them process the trauma they experienced during their kidnapping and the Joker’s manipulation. The focus is on helping them understand that they were victims, not perpetrators, and on rebuilding their sense of trust and security.

Miss Frizzle, who is deeply affected by what happened to her students, works closely with the authorities and the therapists to ensure their well-being. She provides them with emotional support and helps them to reconnect with their families and their normal lives. The school district also implements new security measures to prevent similar incidents from happening in the future.

Over time, with the help of dedicated professionals and the unwavering support of their families and community, Miss Frizzle’s students begin to heal. They learn to cope with their fears and anxieties, and they gradually regain their sense of innocence and joy. Although the experience leaves a lasting mark, they emerge stronger and more resilient, forever bonded by the shared trauma they endured and the support they received.

The Joker, confined within the sterile walls of his Arkham Asylum cell, paces restlessly. The padded surroundings and reinforced steel bars do little to contain the chaotic storm brewing within his mind. He runs a hand through his green hair, a wide, unsettling grin spreading across his face.

“Oh, this won’t do at all,” he mutters to himself, his voice echoing through the empty cell. “A gentleman of my… stature simply cannot be confined to such a drab and uninspired environment. It’s positively bad for my complexion!”

He begins to formulate a plan, his mind racing with possibilities. He studies the guards, their routines, their weaknesses. He analyzes the cell, searching for any flaw, any vulnerability. He knows that escape will require patience, cunning, and a touch of theatrical flair. But he also knows that it is inevitable. The Joker is not meant to be caged. He is a force of nature, a purveyor of chaos, and he will not rest until he is once again unleashed upon the unsuspecting citizens of Gotham. He begins to laugh, a high-pitched, maniacal cackle that sends shivers down the spines of the guards outside his cell. The game, he thinks, is afoot.